Still Wounded

Oh, how I have missed chatting with my friends on Adoption Voices! I really, truly miss the chatting. I missed it so much that I went to the site and started to join again with a different email account. Of course, that doesn't really matter because I have to put in a name. I can't justify creating an account with a fake name because I would be no better than the scammers. Well, I got to the profile settings and just couldn't do it. I got so nervous, my heart began beating out of my chest, and my fingers quit typing. Matt told me to give it at least one week. I was rushing into it, he said. Apparently, he's right. My heart wouldn't let me sign up, the wounds are still healing.

Deja vu

Remember this post? I should add one more thing, they keep coming back to THE SAME PEOPLE. Yes, that includes me. Since I can't handle someone playing with my heart that way, I've decided to leave that adoption network for now and stick with where I know I'm safe. I took the risk the second time, and it was torture and pain. I need to rest a while from it. I'm not defeated, I still believe in adoption, and I am strong. Sometimes you just have to walk away, though, from the things that would tear you down. For now, that site is one of them.

** Clarification: I realize some of you may be reading this for the first time. I was scammed once before, just two weeks ago. I had the whole story posted on my blog while it was private for about a week. I'm not leaving LDSFS. No, I'm just leaving a networking site (that is sort of like Facebook, but for adoption). That's all.

Adoption Scams

Wherever you are, no matter what field you are in, there are always counterfeits. Always. " For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things." 2 Nephi 2:11. Adoption is a field fraught with opposition. However, I'm only focusing on adoption scams, and one type of scam: the Birth Mother Scam. As you all know, I recently had some experience in this.

Here is what I've learned about scammers.

• They have an addiction. They may leave for a while, but they always come back under a different name with a new situation.
• The situation is always something dramatic: premature birth, abuse, rape, no support, etc.
• They prey on adoptive couples looking for a private/independent adoption. These couples are usually more willing to pay out-of-pocket expenses to help the birth mother or to go to lengths to meet her and check her out themselves.
• They prey on your emotions and attention. Rarely do they ask for money directly - they could easily get charged for that. It's the emotional control they crave, it seems.
• They will lead you on for weeks, if they can. I was lucky; my experience only lasted 5 days.
  
• They rarely use their real names, but they will use someone else's real name.
• Mine knew the law. Hence, she asked for photos; she won't keep calling me on the phone (that would be harassment).
• They will try to get you to talk to them on the phone. It's more personal.
  
• Most of the time, the scammers pretend to be a teenager and perhaps already have a child.
  
• They usually have an expertise (i.e. prematurity), but they fall short in the details.
• Scammers want to match quickly; they want an open adoption; and they tell you that you are perfect for her baby.
• They are talking to 3-4 people (at least) at a time. You can count on it. She's needs a back-up plan in case you don't give in.
• They are the victim. Always.
• They keep coming back. Even if a person apologizes and says she's getting better, watch out. Just like any addiction, this one's hard to quit cold turkey.
  

If you're interested, here are some great sites on adoption scams.
http://www.abcadoptions.com/scams.htm
http://www.adoptionscams.net/word.html
http://www.preciouskids.org/adopt/scam.html