I remember reading a blog about a year ago of a mother who had lost her sweet little boy in a tragic accident. She mentioned that she is not the same person since then. Although saying good-bye to my little girl was not nearly as traumatic as this other mom's story, I can agree about not being the same.
Anyway, today is Clarissa's third birthday. The pain of losing her is not nearly as hard as it was, however, the pains of missing her come and go quite acutely. For instance, today as I was sitting on a ride at California Adventure, I realized that I could have been there with two kids instead of one. I realize that having two kids would have been chaotic, but seeing little girls dressed in princess and Minnie Mouse dresses made me miss her more. I longed to buy the girlie toys just for her.
While visiting Bonnie, I found another Sharon Creech book I hadn't yet read: Chasing Redbird. I had no idea what it was about, but it was the perfect book to read this week. A little girl starts to understand grief, and I needed this book. I needed to grieve again, otherwise I feel empty and depressed holding it in. I could relate completely to the characters in the book, and it kept me connected to my grief. I know it sounds slightly morbid, but it's really not. The book gave me an outlet to reflect on my situation and allow to be with Sissy although I'm not home this week.
So, when I get home in a couple of days, you can bet we'll have some better posts about the last few days of our vacation and our lessons from Disneyland. It got better with each day. That much I can tell you.
Happy Birthday, Sissy! We love you and miss you!
"Til' Next We Meet"
