The Bond

The Bond

By: LK 

Written Friday, September 22, 1995

When I told you the other day,

The words didn't come out the right way.

I think I pushed you farther,

And that only makes things harder.

It would be so very kind

If you could just read my mind.

If only I knew

Just how to tell you.

We are drifting apart,

But listen to my heart --

We are really close friends

Let's not let our friendship end.

Let's try to look and see

What things could really be.

Just remember -- No matter what --

We are friends with a bond of love.

In high school I always wrote my poems with a specific person in mind.  I can't even tell you which friend this poem was for.  I can guarantee, though, that I wrote a copy of it and gave it to that person.  I know that this is a very simple poem, and you can see how much I tried to rhyme and keep the number of syllables even in the lines that do rhyme with each other.

So, now that you've read the sappy poem, here's what I've thought about it.  I could change the "friends" part and make it about my husband and my marriage.  I mean, honestly, the running joke in our house is that we wish we were mind readers -- ha!

Seriously, though, this week in our marriage, we've had some life-changing experiences.  To the outside person, you might not notice much, honestly.  Really, the changes have come between the two of us.  I credit my friend for posting this blog post.  In it, she posted a link to the article that has changed our marriage.  The article is called "A Wake-up Call to Wives," and can be found here.  After you read that, you should go and read the article called "A Wake-up Call to Husbands."  I read both articles and then when Matt got home from work, I told him that there were a couple of article I wanted him to read so we could discuss them.  I happened to leave them up on the computer so I wouldn't forget the links, and Matt read them without my prodding.

The rest of that evening, we discussed very openly some of the things we wanted to work on.  Since that time, I feel like a barrier has broken down in our marriage.  It's weird, though, because I didn't feel like we really had a lot of barriers, but once we talked, I felt freer.  The bond solidified between us, and the communication opened.

The timing was right.  I'm so thankful for a husband who is willing to change with me.  Our discussion didn't become a finger-pointing contest.  We were both very careful to listen.  We were both able to say things like, "I need" and be honest about it.  There weren't "You need to. . ."  We both had things we felt we needed to do without having the other person point it out for us.

Mine:  I'm going to strive to be a better homemaker.  Modern technology has made me lazy.  It's easy to get caught up online or just wandering the house.  My house isn't always clean -- time to change that.  Time to take pride in my job.

Matt:  Well, all week his changes have shined through, but here's one example.  Last night I started to feel a little unwell, (Yes, I was ill and needed a little pill. . . hehe. . .) and this morning, I did not have any energy.  He convinced me to stay home, and he took both boys with him to church. He cleaned the kitchen, got the boys ready, and told me to take it easy.  When I fought him on it, and told him he could keep the baby home, he referenced the article.

If anything, this week has been the week that has bonded my marriage.  I love Matt with my entire being.  He's my match; while we're not perfect, and we both know that it's not going to be smooth sailing here on out, we believe we can overcome anything together.

Matt, I love you.

True Love

True love is knowing the way to your spouse's heart.

Matt knows me too well.  Cookies -- yum!  Butterscotch Blondies -- Double Yum!

This was his first time making them, my first time eating them, and I think they turned out just right.

The List

Fifteen years ago I remember writing a list about my dream guy.  It was long.  I typed it up, printed it out, and hung it on my wall.  On this list were things like, handsome, good sense of humor, returned missionary, Eagle Scout, great home teacher, taller than me, and active in the church.  I didn't know what he would look like or where I would meet him, but I had this list. 

When I went to college and really started branching out of my little, sheltered world, "the list" really helped me.  Before you start to roll your eyes, I didn't take this list with me on all my dates.  I didn't look over it carefully before I went out and then start interviewing each guy based on the "qualifications" on my list.  First of all, I didn't get asked out much on single dates; in fact, I was asked out ONCE during my freshman year of college and in my sophomore year I didn't get asked until I met Matt.  I did go on several group dates, but these were usually arranged by girls.  The guys we asked for our friends were always so good to play along. 

While it may seem shallow or even unfair to compare men to a list like this, I realize it was a really good thing.  If I expected the man I married to have all of these qualities, then I needed to work on them as well.  I always had it in mind.  I remember when I was dating Matt that I looked over the list and pleased to see that he seemed to fit all of my criteria.  I remember a blow when I did ask him about one or two on the list, and he told me that he wasn't so good in that area.  Of course, I didn't tell him about my list, that would be harsh.

When Matt proposed to me, I was working as a server at JB's.  The night managers quickly became surrogate fathers and good friends to us who worked there.  One of these great men wisely advised me to ask Matt why he loves me and then to come back and report.  The answer to this question, my manager told me, would be very telling about the kind of man Matt was.

I was nervous walking home from school with Matt that day because I knew I had to ask him this question.  I remember Matt being a little taken aback by this question, but he had a good, genuine answer for me.  What that answer was, exactly, I can't remember (so shoot me); but I do remember it had something to do with the fact that I loved him. 

Sooooo. . . back to the list. My Matt wasn't everything on that list, but I loved him very much. I realized that the man I would marry would not be perfect, but he would have the potential to be perfect one day just as I hoped I would be able to be.  The day I threw my list away, I knew that marriage was about working together towards exaltation.  Marriage is about teamwork.  And, well, eleven years later, I personally believe I picked a great team. 

Happy Anniversary, Matt!  I love you.