No Eating List

This is the year I'm taking control of my life. . . again.  Yeah, I think this will be a perpetual goal for me, but after gaining all the weight back that I had lost two years ago, it's time to really be serious about it all.  My arms are feeling my resolve. 

I realized I had to make a "Not Allowed to Eat" list.  This sounds drastic, but just like people who are trying to quit a serious addiction, I need motivation.  Serious motivation.  I have an addiction.  It's to food, namely sugar.   The "Not Allowed" foods are foods that I can't just eat a treat.  I seem to make a meal of them and can't stop.  I'm very specific in my foods, unless I have a problem with all kinds.  For example, on the top of my list is doughnuts.  I can eat any doughnut anywhere anytime and I can eat many, many doughnuts at a time.  The problem is I can't stop.  Okay, not can't, but won't.  I find some justification of why I can eat that doughnut every time.

Another food is cookie dough.  Yikes, I know, right?!  No, cookies is not on the list, just cookie dough.  Next is potato chips, not tortilla chips.  While their caloric intake is about the same, I can stop eating tortilla chips, I can eat an entire bag of potato chips, and I have to include Doritos in the potato chip category even though technically they're tortilla chips.

Other foods are tootsie rolls, sugared cereals, (I don't care if they say "whole grain," if they say "Fruit Loops, etc.," they're out!), Milk Duds, french fries, maple syrup (do you know how many calories are in that stuff?!), fast food shakes, and full-size candy bars or larger.  As I find myself gorging certain foods that are unhealthy, they're added to the list.

Okay, so you have a list, LeMira, that's good and all, but how are you going to be certain you don't justify eating those foods?  Good question.  I have a consequence.  Each time I eat those foods, I have to do 20 push-ups beyond my regular work-out.  Last night I didn't get to eat dinner until nearly 10:00 p.m., and I poured myself a bowl of Fruity Pebbles.  I told myself that I can handle 20 extra push-ups, no big deal.  Then, I did the exact same thing this morning.  Let me tell you, two bowls of sugared cereal were NOT WORTH 40 extra push-ups.  I had already done 30, and my arms were "Jell-O."   Don't worry, as the arms get stronger, the consequence will get harder.  Maybe one day it will be pull-ups. . . I cringe just thinking about that.

Today when I go stock up on cereal, I'll be sure to by something NOT full of sugar.  You can bet on that.

Discipline

I could blame it on having a new baby,

or I could blame it on how busy I am with Parent Council,

or I could accept the blame myself.

Whatever way you slice it, my motivation is gone.  As I told Natalie on the phone today, not only did I jump off the exercising, organizing, get-out-of-the-funk, bandwagon, I shoved it off the cliff.  I've devoted my time to being a mom to a new baby and to Parent Council.  A new baby is overwhelming in itself, but Parent Council takes just as much time and just as much energy.  Basically, to give you an idea, Jackson's school asks that families volunteer 40 hours a year.  Let's just say that I have nearly triple that amount already, and there's no way I can just be done with my volunteering for this year.

So, I'm spent.

I have to say that it feels good to have purpose and to help where help is needed, however, my house is a wreck.  I stack things on my table to be put away later, and they sit there for two weeks or more.  You don't even want to know how long it's been since I scrubbed my kitchen floor (nasty!).  My living room hasn't been uncluttered since the baby arrived.  My bedroom has furniture somewhere under the clothes and papers.  Laundry gets done because I have to have clean clothes, but usually my husband ends up folding it.  Dishes get done because I have a dishwasher and a husband.  Actually, lately, I have been trying to be better at the dishes, but that's because I have to wash bottles anyway.


My body is a wreck.  I eat any sugar-filled food that is available in my house.  I find a reason to "deserve" a doughnut or a treat when I go to the grocery store.  I snack on the chocolate chips in the cupboard, and yes, I even sneak some of Jackson's Halloween candy. (Hey, he's already forgotten about it sitting in on his closet shelf -- how does someone forget about their candy? That would be Matt's DNA at work, not mine.)  I consciously decide to NOT exercise.  The endorphins are almost at a stand-still, and that means my self-worth is diminishing.

I could go on, but you get the idea, and I really don't want to embarrass myself further.  

Thank goodness for good friends.  Today Natalie and I decided to end this de-motivation phase.  As we talked on the phone today, we decided to help each other.  Instead of cutting things off cold turkey and just jumping into good habits, we've decided to "Baby Step" it.  (Yes, you should be imagining Bob Wiley at this point.)  Renewing the habits just seems so overwhelming to do all at once, and it just is doomed to fail.

Today we've decided to be accountable to each other.  Each day we are going to individually pick one task to accomplish.  We know it will snowball and affect the other areas of our lives, but we need to focus small for a while.  I noticed it already.

Today I decided I would finally clear off my kitchen table and put everything away where it goes.  I give you proof:

 I got on a roll and even swept my floor -- maybe that means I will be able to scrub it in the next couple of days. . .I probably will since it's so disgusting.


I'm excited to be accountable again and to see success.  I'm ready to find myself and my furniture again.  :)  Maybe I'll even discover Jillian Michaels and let her beat me up again.  Time to beat the winter blues before they even show up.