Up and Down

I can't remember if I posted this song once before, but my friend Mary shared it with me a while ago.  This is how I'm feeling today.  Just listen, and I'm sure you can relate.

Brandon Flowers

I've recently discovered Brandon Flowers.  Yeah, pretty much he's my current fave.

Only the Young


Crossfire

Hold On

Grief. . . why do we hang on to the pain for so long? 

Five years ago the saying "Time heals all pain" was something I couldn't grasp.  It made no sense to me.  My pain blasted all reason.  My heart failed me almost every day.  I couldn't understand anyone "letting go."  What did that mean? A friend who had experienced similar grief told me that it would get better over time, but I couldn't imagine. For some reason it seems like if we let go of the pain then we diminish the memories and demean the love, the meaning of that person's life in ours.

I've talked before about the wounds.  The cuts are deep, and your heart is never the same.  I have friends who have experienced those same feelings, although our life experiences are very different.  The wound  scars over, and a dull ache remains and is a constant reminder.    Like a child, we hold our wound, nurse it ourselves.    The "Band-Aid" is there, but for some reason we can't grasp it, for that would mean healing and letting go, saying "good-bye." 

Sometime during the last year, I released my pain.  I feel different.  Don't get me wrong, I miss my daughter daily, and some days I still ache for her, but the ache isn't paralyzing pain anymore.   The thing is, though, I can't tell you exactly when I let go of the pain.  I just remember one day thinking, "it doesn't hurt."  Granted, I feel pain some days, when my heart and soul ache for my daughter, for my family to be all together.

Do you want to know the most amazing thing?  The pain is gone, but the love remains.  In fact, the love is deeper than I could have imagined.  When I think of Clarissa, my heart fills with a deep, abiding love.  Yes, absence does make the heart grow fonder.    Somehow I've held on to her, but let go of the pain.

(See, Jackson is holding on, but smiling. . . hehe. . . had to find somewhere in the post to put my cute boy!)

 

To my friends who are still aching, grieving, I know that it's a day by day process for a long time, and guess what?  That's okay.  I spent many, many hours wishing, missing, longing, and crying.  It's okay.  One day, yes one day, it will heal, and you will let go.  It will come naturally.  It's okay.  IT'S OKAY.   Hold on.


Last night as I lay in bed thinking about this post and trying to fall asleep, Wilson Phillips' song "Hold On" kept playing over and over in my head.  So, here's the link, just for you to click and enjoy. 

Wilson Phillips - Hold On

Time to Say Good-Bye

Did you miss the season finale of America's Got Talent?  Me, too, and so tonight I watched it on Hulu.  I've found a new favorite song; and I think I'm going to add Jackie Evancho's first album to my Amazon Wish list.  I hope she has this song on there.  Watch the video, and you will see what I mean.

Yes, that little girl is only ten years old.  Ten! The feelings I felt while listening to this song are indescribable, and a dear friend gave me a brief interpretation.  I decided to look it up.  Now I'm going to get real personal.  Next week is Clarissa's fifth birthday.  I can't help but watch those two sing and think of me and my little girl.  I love her, and I know you'll hear more about her in the next week. 

Sissy, I love you and miss you.  This song's for you. . .

Time to Say Goodbye
----------------------

When I'm alone
I dream on the horizon
And words fail;
Yes, I know there is no light
In a room
Where the sun is not there
If you are not with me.
At the windows
Show everyone my heart
Which you set alight;
Enclose within me
The light you
Encountered on the street.

Time to say goodbye,
To countries I never
Saw and shared with you,
Now, yes, I shall experience them,
I'll go with you
On ships across seas
Which, I know,
No, no, exist no longer;
With you I shall experience them.

When you are far away
I dream on the horizon
And words fail,
And yes, I know
That you are with me;
You, my moon, are here with me,
My sun, you are here with me.
With me, with me, with me,

Time to say goodbye,
To countries I never
Saw and shared with you,
Now, yes, I shall experience them,
I'll go with you
On ships across seas
Which, I know,
No, no, exist no longer;
With you I shall re-experience them.
I'll go with you
On ships across seas
Which, I know,
No, no, exist no longer;
With you I shall re-experience them.
I'll go with you,
I with you.

On the Lighter Side

I've posted heavily on the infertility subject lately, but I don't want you to think that if you haven't experienced it that you I'm trying to make you feel guilty. No, that's not it at all. In fact, I shared the links with you because I felt these women knew how to put in words and video some things that I couldn't articulate as well.

Being a Mom is wonderful, too. I am grateful for my little guy. We're the best of buds, and I know that he wants a baby, too. This morning, in fact, he asked, "Mom, can we have our baby Emily?" Matt and I had to answer that we have to pray really hard for her because we can't get her without Heavenly Father's help. And yes, Jackson feels very strongly that he has a little sister waiting to come to our home. He's always felt that way, especially lately.

So, in light of being a mom and a woman, I want to reintroduce you to Anita Renfroe. I say "reintroduce" because I know I posted her "Mom Song" a while ago. And now I would like to post two other songs of hers that I love. Before I do, though, you really need to see Taylor Swift's video of "A Love Story."

Okay, now here is Anita Renfroe's version (all of you young moms and moms who have had young children will love this):

A (More Real) Love Story


And now for those of us who are learning to deal with aging and loving our bodies:

Wrinkled Ladies


Want to see more? Visit her website: Anita Renfroe

P.S. The best part about these videos is that Jackson loves them. While watching the first video, he said, "Oh, that's a cute baby." (I hope he remembers just how cute the baby is when she's screaming in our house.) Then he climbed onto the bus singing to the tune of "All the Wrinkled Ladies."

Light a Candle

Thanks, Mindy, for posting this video. It speaks for itself.




Will you light a candle for those you know? Perhaps you will light one for yours. I will.

Remember Our Babies

Just For Fun

Make sure you turn it up in the beginning. My favorite part is the thunder.