Yesterday we finally got a call from our caseworker. I know, very exciting! She had a question for us about some interesting circumstances. A baby had been born on Monday at 25 weeks, and our caseworker wanted to know if we wanted to be presented to the birth mom as possible adoptive parents. Our first thoughts were "Wow! We haven't been forgotten, we could have another baby." Those thoughts were quickly followed by "Twenty-five weeker? Can we really do that again?" Well, there's more. The caseworker told us that the baby boy weighed a meager 1 pound 8 ounces. (Jackson was 2 pounds 1 ounce -- and his weight saved his life.) His birth mother had consumed alcohol and smoked while she was pregnant. As Matt put it, that's four strikes against that baby already.
As we discussed the options and possibilities, we realized that this is not the right time in our lives for another severely preemie baby. The hardest thing I (LeMira) have had to do so far with adoption was to call our caseworker and tell her "no." I want so badly for that sweet boy to have a good home, and I know we could be very loving parents. Unfortunately, I'm not sure I can bury another baby this soon. Perhaps he will make it, but then at what price? We are still dealing with residual effects from Jackson's severe prematurity, and those aren't much comparatively. If the baby had only been 30 weeks premature, which is still pretty early, we wouldn't have hesitated nearly as much. Thirty weeks seems far along to us.
I didn't think I would ever pass up an opportunity to be shown to a birth mother, and it was tough to deal with it for a while yesterday. I'm grateful to know that the Lord is looking out for us. He seems to be testing us to help us realize what we can really handle emotionally and financially at this time in our lives. I'm thankful for a very understanding caseworker and for family and friends who have helped us, especially me, through it last night. As our caseworker told us, we will know when the baby is right and the timing is right. We'll feel it.
Wow, that must have really been a difficult decision. I agree with your case worker though, you'll know when the time is right. Whatever child you do adopt will be so lucky to have you as parents and Jackson as a brother.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine how difficult that must have been. The right time will come along, and you'll know it.
ReplyDeleteLeMira, you know you and Matt made the right decision for your family. I know it will happen. :) Can't wait to see you this weekend BTW!
ReplyDeleteWow, getting that call must have put your emotions on a rollercoaster. What a tough choice! Hopefully you'll get the right call soon!
ReplyDeleteI'm happy you got a call but sad it didn't work out. That must have been really rough. Love you guys!
ReplyDeleteLeMira!
ReplyDeleteYou are a brave woman whom i have always respected and looked up to. I'm sorry your emotions had to go on that roller coaster last night, but i agree with everyone else. You and Matt will know when the time is right.God always has his way of showing you, and any little baby will be lucky to have you for a mother!!!
LUV U
I look up to you Lemira (and Matt) I don't know what I would have done in that situation, but I think I would have the same feelings that you had. You want what is best for you family and you will feel it when it is the right choice. Keep your head up, and I know that the Lord is looking out for you. You and Matt are very strong.
ReplyDeleteLove ya, Kindra
Wow, that must have been so hard! I agree with your caseworker that you'll know when it's right.
ReplyDelete