We play the waiting game every day: at the check-out stand, waiting for our laundry to be done, waiting for nap-time/bedtime for our kids; counting down the time until our husband gets home; watching for the phone to ring; monitoring our accounts for money to come pouring in. The list is endless.
The more I experience life, the more I realize that there is a lot of waiting. For us it seems that the waiting goes hand-in-hand with prayer. I pray to confirm that we're doing the right thing, or to steer us another direction; then we wait. We waited for 5 1/2 months for Jackson to come home from the hospital. His stay took longer than I wanted or anticipated, but it eventually ended after a lot of waiting and many tears and prayers.
Right now we are waiting, waiting, waiting. Waiting for a call from the adoption agency or from a friend/referral for a birth mom (no one in particular, just someone). Waiting for our realtor to call with news about our offer on the house (that is a crazy, long, boring story -- same house, different offer, same un-enthusiastic sellers). Waiting to know which comes first -- adoption or a house.
SO, since we feel like we've done everything we can do on the house, and adoption is a constant process, what do we do in the meantime? If I sit all day long and WAIT and WAIT, then what am I really accomplishing?
I've decided this year that I need to LIVE. I've spent most of my life waiting for things to happen. However, waiting needs to go hand in hand with work. How will I ever lose weight or be able to run that 5K I promised I would run this year without working and living every day to do so? I need to get involved in the community and do something for someone else instead of waiting for things to happen to me. My goals sound very selfish when I think about all of the waiting around I'm doing for me.
What are some things that you do to LIVE to not just focus on yourself? What do you do as a mother that helps you feel like you are LIVING?
LeMira,
ReplyDeleteRemember that by taking care of yourself you are not being selfish. You can't give if your bucket is empty. That doesn't mean to ignore your kids but to do something that fills your bucket and not just wasting time. I ran my first 5K two years ago. The greatest experience I could do for myself. I have a friend that I run with. I think that makes all the difference. Find a friend that would run with you. I started off running the straights and walking the turns at the track. Then I only walked one turn and then I ran a whole lap. Then I would have to walk a lap and then run a lap until I could run three miles. Don't give up, it takes time. You don't just run 3 miles the first day. Since you asked for ideas on how to live this is what I do. I'm not perfect and I have those days that I wonder what I'm waiting for but when I am focused I am in a much better spot. I write my gratefuls every morning. My girls do it with me. I also tried to find things that I could do with kids rather than always being frustrated that I couldn't get anything done unless the kids were sleeping or watching TV. I also wrote a list of things I wanted to do before I was 50 and have tried to work on those. It is amazing how many opportunities I have had to accomplish those because I know what I want to do and you don't just waste your time because there are things that you really want to do. Live in the moment. I'm not perfect at this but when I am I am a much better mom and person. Allie loves to walk in the snow and I hate to be cold but the other day she said mom follow me so I did. I was amazed that walking in the snow hasn't changed it is still cold but the light in her eyes I will never forget. Also get the garbage out of your head. You know the comments you make in your head when you look in the mirror. Like my goals are so selfish, I'll never run a 5K etc. A couple of years ago I made an affirmation wall. You say things as if they are already real. "I am a 5K runner, I am a great mom, I live in the moment, I am a sensible shopper, I have an abundance. Start repeating your affirmations every time a negative thought starts. It really works and it's not just about being positive. It is really clearing your head. Thanks for letting me ramble. I'm not perfect and I have many lousy days where my house is a mess and my kids watch TV all day but that doesn't make me a good or bad mom that just happens so I can regroup and move forward.
Jan
I found myself feeling the same way a few years ago when we were trying to get preganat. We tried for 2 years but to no avail. During those two years, I passed up so many things because "I could be pregnant". After a while I decided that that is not how to live life. We would get pregnant when the time was right. This was when I started playing soccer. I look back on those seasons when I played. I definatly was not the best but I had a great time and made some great friends. I know that the school district mails out classes they offer for adults...look through it and see if there is a class that you want to take. Experiment. I know that you like to read, do you belong to a "book club"? Start one up if not. I have plenty of weaknesses and am not perfect at this at all but I find the more I get involved, I more learn what is available to me to do. After this baby, I would like to start training for a triathalon. The hardest thing is starting what ever you decide to do. I heard somewhere that life is not to be endured but to be enjoyed. Things will happen when the time is right. Good luck training for the 5K. If I was there, I would totally train with you.
ReplyDeleteThese are good questions... I think you just need to find a healthy balance between "waiting" and taking advantage of opportunities before you. For example, you can always cancel or change what you are doing to accommodate adoption if that happens to come your way... hopefully it will.
ReplyDeleteI like to read books that make me think differently, analyze why I'm doing things the way I'm doing and find a more efficient way. I find great satisfaction in being very efficient (yet here I am wasting time on the internet..lol) One that I've read recently that you may find interesting because it applies to your topic here a little bit is
ReplyDelete"The Slight Edge" By Jeff Olsen.
A few others I've recently read are:
"The E-myth revisited" - helped me look at different angles of my business
and
"Christlike Parenting" -I'm reading it a second time right now actually.
I also like to take on ventures that I can't ever get out of but sometimes/often wish I could...like crazy clothing lines and blogging. hee hee.
Off to read chapter 2.....
I will definitely say that your goals are NOT selfish. In the last year, I've realized how important taking care of myself is to my family. I started exercising and watching what I ate, (sparkpeople.com--totally free and totally helpful for me!), and before I knew it, I was thrilled with the results. My husband has run 3 marathons and I've always wondered how in the world he could enjoy doing that. After starting out walking every day, then finally actually having the desire to run, a marathon is something I could see myself doing at some point in the future. It has actually made my life more interesting and helped me appreciate my husband's hobbies more.
ReplyDeleteThe other thing I did last year was come up with a list of things I'd always wanted to do. This was like pulling teeth for me. I'm not one who wanted to write a book, or start a crafty website, etc. So, I thought about what I enjoyed doing when I was younger. After several weeks, I did come up with a few things...but it really took some serious thought and prayer.
And, I just have to say, if you haven't read Elder Uchtdorf's talk from the RS General Meeting last September, go back and read it again. That talk is inspiration enough to convince any mom that taking time to improve her talents and better herself is not a selfish use of her time! :)
I just love you, have I told you that before. I too feel like i do a lot of waiting, and I have thought to myself, what am I doing. I can't just get excited for bed time or when Casey and I big break will be. I need ideas just as much as you do, so I can't really give much advice, but I do want to run as well. I did run a 5k a few years back, and it was a good thing for me. I just need to get motivated and start running again. I get really down in the winter and dont want to work out, I have also been dealing with some health issues that have delayed my motivation to start running. I hope that by the spring I will be ready to run. If you want a partner I am so in. I will have to let you know that Casey makes fun of me for how slow I run. I just really pace myself, so I am a slow runner. I would love to have someone to motivate me to run and have a set day on when I do it. Another thing that I do for myself is work. I love to get out a couple days a week and do what I love to do. I do hate leaving my kids, but I am so much more patient with them and with all of the routine things that mothers have to do. I just feel like my work is my hobby. Remember to do things for yourself. My mom has told me over and over to make sure to take care of myself so that when I get older I wont lose my mind and have a mid life crisis for never taking care of myself. I know that when you get into your house you will have so many projects and fun things to keep you busy. Just keep being you, and the sweet person that you are. I hope that we can still hang out when you are in my favorite city SALEM.
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