Road Trip Mom

You are the one who gets to pick out the treats/snacks for the road trip.

You get to pack it all up and pack it all in the car.

You are the one who gets to distribute the treats.

You get to hold the map and tell the driver where to go and how to get there.

You get to talk about anything and everything to make sure the driver stays awake. (You know, this would be a good time to bring up those things that have been weighing on your mind . . .)

You get to reprieve the driver when he is falling asleep so he can sleep while you drive and try to stay awake.

You gain the most weight by eating the snacks to keep you awake.

You are the tour guide and wildlife lookout.

You master such phrases as, "Isn't it a pretty drive?" "Look at all of those cows." "What do you see out the window?" "Don't hit the deer!" "Do you see the (insert landmark here such as mountains, temple, water, etc.)?"

You learn to catch puke very quickly and what is good at catching puke.

You master the ability to not puke when cleaning puke.

You get to clean the puke long after the puking has ended.

You pray to not get sick from handling the puke.

You don't feel bad for throwing underwear away in a gas station in the middle of nowhere.

You are thankful you brought extra clothes for your child for the weekend.

You excuse spending too much money on things you wouldn't normally buy at a gas station convenience store so you can deal with the sickness.

You live with "pukey" hands for two hours just to hurry and get home.

You are the only one excused from not having your seat belt on the entire time to switch seats to help the sick child.

You get to launder every smelly thing as soon as you get home, whether it's midnight or not.

You forgo bathing your sick, smelly child just so he can sleep.

You sacrifice recovery sleep to rush in at 2 a.m. to check on the child crying out in his sleep, and then get up to check on him every hour after just because you're worried.

You get up the next morning to start "normal" life again. Thank goodness for cold cereal, pain killers, leftover trip snacks, and PBS Kids!

We really did have fun, but I'll post the "fun" stuff later.