You Have to Get Back Up

Imagine you are sitting at a red light at a "T" intersection. As you wait for your green light, you notice a young couple in their twenties roller-blading along the sidewalk. You see that they are going to cross the street right in front of your car. While you try not to look at them, you see that the man looks steadier on his feet than the woman, in fact, she looks like she's concentrating very hard not to fall. As she nears the end of the crosswalk and prepares glide up onto the sidewalk on the other side, panic attacks her face. Her right roller-blade hits the lip of the sidewalk as she forgets to lift the foot, and suddenly she is flying spread-eagle through the air and lands hard on the grassy hill just on the other side of the sidewalk. Her husband drops to her side and talks to her as she slowly rolls over. As the light turns green and you drive away do you:

1. Pretend not to see, but start laughing as hard as you can as soon as you are out of sight?
2. Shout out the window, "Nice one, Grace!"?
3. Cry as that is the saddest thing you've ever seen?


If it had been me, I would have done #1.

If you didn't guess, I just described my last time on roller blades almost seven years ago. As I lay there on the hill, I almost wished someone would have done #2. After having six brothers that knew how to make me laugh at my mishaps, I really needed someone to make me laugh. After falling five more times, Matt and I made it back to the car. My confidence on roller blades was SHOT. I refused to put them on again as I just knew that I would look like a complete idiot. So, has been my trend. I am afraid of failure.

Why didn't I run a 5K last year? I was afraid to fail and look stupid doing it. I just knew I wasn't ready and so I stopped. Why can't I lose weight? I tell myself that no matter what I do, I can't. Why did I quit basketball in high school? I was afraid of sitting on the bench while watching my teammates get all of the playing time. Why don't I put myself out there more in the adoption "race"? I am afraid of getting hurt.

My ultimate goal this year: to LIVE. I want to face my fears and beat them down.

Well, today I finally put on those roller blades again. Jackson's goal is to learn how to roller skate, and I decided that I would relearn and rebuild my confidence with him. He was the best coach a mom could have. Every other minute or so as I circled the car in the carport, he would ask, "Are you doing okay?" or "You're doing a good job, Mom." Granted, I was too afraid to leave my driveway, but I made it to the end of it finally after a half-hour. Good thing the trash can was there to stop me, but I made it. Maybe the next time I will make it down the strip of sidewalk in front of my house.

My mantra this year: I CAN DO IT! (I hope.)