I was reading a blog post, and I was reminded that some of my biggest pet peeves are the acronyms that many use in adoption. How about I give you a quiz and see if you can figure out what they mean?
BF
BM
PAP
and the answers are. . .
BF: Birth Father; nothing offensive in this one, but it is really confusing because I always associate "bf" with boyfriend.
BM: Birth Mother -- personally, I feel bad every time this acronym is used. Seriously, I always think of something else first, and it feels offensive to me. I don't like "bmom" much either, but I admit that I'm guilty using it. I guess I feel that first/birth mothers deserve more respect and that full title should be written out.
PAP: Any woman should be shuddering if you were called this, but I am called it all the time. It stands for Potential Adoptive Parent. Personally, I much prefer HAP: Hopeful Adoptive Parent for many reasons. HAP makes me think "happy" at first; "hopeful" is much more optimistic but real to me in the sense that adoption may not happen (thus it is synonymous with "potential"); and finally no one is reminded to schedule their yearly exam.
Anyway, just a friendly reminder to be thoughtful in the words you choose.
I'm with you - I always see BM and think first of something ... else.
ReplyDeleteI've never used BF for birth father, mostly because the birth fathers I know are deserving of a different, rather irreverent acronym ;-)
I love HAP...Hope is such a better word for you! And I do not want to comment on BM...for obvious reasons! ;) One word for me ... Braveheart!
ReplyDeletelol!! I'm with ya. BM doesn't do it as much as PAP does. I never really referred to #2 as that, but I know what you mean. PAP, totally remind me I am due for my yearly :)
ReplyDeleteAnd BF is totally ok for me.
I usually do write it out because I feel the same way, except on chat :)
Birth mother and birth father ARE offensive to many, and abbreviating them makes it more so.
ReplyDeleteMany mothers and father who have lost children to adoption prefer being known as natural parents, first mothers & fathers, or original mother and father. It is best to ask what someone prefers to be called.
None want to be called bio or biological mother or father. That is considered quite insulting as if they are breeders or incubators. It might be fitting for a so-called "donor" of ova or sperm.
PAP also means PROSPECTIVE adoptive parent.
It's funny though how after the adoption, the PAP gets to drop a;; adjectives and just be the child's mother, and the other...the one who used to be called a child's "real" mother, is reduced to permanent secondary status by the use of an adjective.
I guess I should clear something up. I don't mind what the acronyms stand for, although Mirah, I am very aware that there are many names for birth mothers/ first mothers and each one has a different preference. I respect that, very highly. I'm not offended at what "PAP" stands for, not at all. I just can't stand the acronym. . .makes me squirm; but it is what it is.
ReplyDelete