Delusional

Recently, I was called "delusional" for a comment I made on an adoption story because I mentioned how God is in adoption.  Those of you who know and share my beliefs may be surprised by this reaction to my statement, but I was not. I won't lie. The comment stung, yet I believe it is false.  If I had been called delusional four years ago, it would have hurt more, but it would have been truer than that it is today.

It is true that there are many misconceptions about adoption, and there are many ignorant attitudes.  Being truthful and looking back, I really had no idea what we were getting into when we were going to adopt, and I can honestly admit that (but I've talked about that many, many times).  There's a statement in adoption about drinking the Kool-Aid, and although I am not a birth mother, I was one of those hopeful adoptive parent drinkers. (Please read my friend Kelsey's post about that:  What's that about, drinking the adoption Kool-aid?) I took what was offered, and I drank because I knew no better.  Was I deluded?

de·lu·sion

noun \di-ˈlü-zhən, dē-\

Definition of DELUSION

1

: the act of deluding : the state of being deluded

2

a : something that is falsely or delusively believed or propagated b : a persistent false psychotic belief regarding the self or persons or objects outside the self that is maintained despite indisputable evidence to the contrary; also : the abnormal state marked by such beliefs

(definition taken from Merriam-Webster)


Four years later, I can honestly admit that I am not deluded.  For a person who does not believe in God the way I do, however, I can seem really deluded.  I have read and read and read about adoption, and I have branched out of my cozy little religious sphere.  I've read the harsh truths (and continue to), seen the black side of adoption, and even questioned my beliefs about adoption.  I've even wondered if I'm evil for hoping to adopt.  I've questioned if adoption really is God's plan or if I'm just using the blanket statement, "It's God's Plan; it's God's will."  I finally have my clarity.  Now that I've read what is out there and opened my mind to every story, I've figured out my beliefs. Again, this is my clarity, it doesn't have to be yours.

Some things that I know without a shadow of a doubt:
1.  Heavenly Father loves each and every one of His children.
2.  We each have our agency (our free will) to make choices, and our Father will not take that away.  Others might, but He won't.  He allows us to suffer pain, hurt, and anguish.
3.  Jesus Christ is the Begotten Son of God who atoned for our sins, pains, and suffering.  His atonement is what makes it possible for us to still make mistakes using our free will and still be able to return home.

How does this relate to adoption?
1.  Heavenly Father loves each and every one of His children.  Heavenly Father wants each of his children to love and to be loved. I am not evil for wanting to adopt.  I do not believe I am entitled to adopt, not at all.  I believe I can love a child with more than one mother.    If we are chosen by a set of parents to adopt their child, then wonderful!  If not, then that's okay, too.

2.  Heavenly Father doesn't "will" a mother to get pregnant or to choose to place her child for adoption.  Part of mortality (living here on earth) is learning how to make choices and living with them as well as living with the choices/consequences of others.  He also doesn't want to see his children suffer at all; He hurts when we do.  Just as a good parent, He doesn't always step in and fix everything to our perfection (we are not perfect -- that just doesn't make sense). 

Perhaps some of you will get offended, but this is my epiphany this week.  Two thousand years ago, our Father in Heaven witnessed the most excruciating pain one of his children would ever suffer.  He wasn't happy, but He knew it was the best path.  He knew His Son had to suffer for the benefit of the rest of His children.  He suffered and grieved over the death and suffering of His son (Matthew 27:50-51), but He knew it needed to happen.  Heavenly Father doesn't want His children to suffer - He doesn't like to watch us hurt while we wait to adopt, or to hear a mother grieve for her child that she placed for adoption, or even to hear the cries of a child who was adopted and is trying to find her place in this world - but He knows we need to experience life in its fullest form, pain and all.  "It's through our losses that we gain the most" (Lloyd Newell). Sometimes it's better for one to suffer for the benefit of more.

3.  I firmly believe that Jesus Christ not only suffered for our sins, but also for our pains, losses, sufferings, illnesses and ailments.  He knows what we feel because He has felt them.  We can be saved through the grace of God after all that we can do.  We have to acknowledge that He does know; that He can heal.  We must not let His suffering be in vain.

These are my truths.  I do not proclaim them for everyone else to claim as theirs, but these are mine.  If you don't believe that adoption can be God's Plan, then yes, I am probably delusional to you.  This plan gives me hope and peace not only for me, but it also eases my mind for my many friends who are walking the adoption path, especially the ones who are not adoptive parents.