Adoption World

Once you take that step into the Adoption World your life is never the same.   Perhaps you didn't get to choose for yourself, it was chosen for you.  You don't know life without adoption.  It is a part of you, always will be.  Perhaps you are like me and you chose that route.  You made the first steps into adoption, and now you are in the thick of it.

For some (like me), you can still change it.   Right now I'm only a hopeful adoptive parent.  Until a mother relinquishes her rights and places her child in my arms, I'm only a potential adoptive parent.  Others are expectant parents who are considering adoption. We can still change our minds to not make adoption a part of our identities forever.  As of today, I can back out.  Walk away.

For others, you are called "adoptee" or "birth mother," "birth father," or "adoptive parent," the choice has been made (whether by you or someone else), and adoption will always be a part of who you are.  While adoption doesn't have to define you, it is part of you, and it always will be.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately.  Honestly, I've thought about calling it quits and ducking out while I still can.  Adoption comes with a whole new set of emotions, ethics, language, and living.  The thing is, though, this would be the easy way out, but it would also be the biggest betrayal to myself and my friends.  You see, I've gained more from adoption than I ever realized I would.  I recognized in the beginning that things would be different, but I didn't understand how I would change, how my family would change. 

I now cringe at certain phrases such as "give up for adoption," "real parents," and "natural child" to name just a few.  I don't trust anything that seems easy or too good to be true.  For in life, there is nothing too good to be true.  It can be amazing, wonderful, very right and true, and completely fulfilling; but it doesn't come without great work, love, and immense pain.  "Easy" and "adoption" don't even belong together.  Someone mentions "adoption," and my heart immediately aches for those who will hurt from it and won't ever recover. 

My heart and my husband's heart will forever be changed.  Once where we were so guarded and closed, we are now open but protective.  Yes, we've been hurt because we've opened our minds and our hearts (stupid scammers), but we've learned how to be careful without closing our hearts.  My husband and I are on the same page with adoption.  I love it.  

I have learned about life and feelings and seeing a situation from many perspectives.  You have to read about it, and then find out what you really believe.  Then, you have to build an armor around you to survive the Adoption World.  You have to be willing to be attacked while you stand up for what you believe.  You learn to listen and talk with respect, and you learn that not everyone understands how to do that.  There are some things you have to learn to leave behind and others you have to carry with you.  Your job in the Adoption World isn't to shoot down everyone who doesn't agree or believe as you do, but to listen and to learn from them.  Their experiences have shaped them just as yours will shape you.

I can not completely leave the Adoption World.  Even if at some point my husband and I decide that we're not going to adopt, I've been so affected by adoption that it will always be a part of me.  I would be making the better part of five years of my life to count for naught if I tried to just walk away.  I can't do that; however, I'm trying to make changes in my life so that adoption isn't the main idea that defines me and my family anymore.  While it will always be a part of us, I want to highlight the other parts of our lives that are also very important to us.

Now, as a side-note, I want to mention that I've changed a couple of things on my blog.  I now have a page of adoption links that you can get to by clicking the tab at the top of the page.  All of the links that were on the sidebar of my blog are now on that page.  I have also included a list of adoptee blogs.  There is no possible way for me to have an all-inclusive list, for the adoption blog roll out there is endless.  However, it's time I'm true to the entire adoption world and list blogs from all vantage points.  Do I agree with all of the blogs listed?  NO!  However, I had to read those in order to face what scared me most and to find what I really believe.  If you are going to learn about adoption, you'd better be reading from all areas so you know what is out there. 

I now realize that I probably made it sound like the Adoption World is a scary place.  Well, it can be, but it isn't always.    Fear comes because of the "unknown."  Knowledge is power, and it is the opposite of fear.  When you educate yourself, you arm yourself with truth and knowledge and fear subsides.  While it's definitely not all fluffy white kittens, roses, and smiley faces, it's definitely not all dark and dreary.  Just as in a rain storm, the rainbow comes after the thunder and lightening and the downpour.  We grow because of that "nourishment" that seems forbidding and ominous.  After a storm, there is always a rainbow, you just have to know where to look.