The List

Fifteen years ago I remember writing a list about my dream guy.  It was long.  I typed it up, printed it out, and hung it on my wall.  On this list were things like, handsome, good sense of humor, returned missionary, Eagle Scout, great home teacher, taller than me, and active in the church.  I didn't know what he would look like or where I would meet him, but I had this list. 

When I went to college and really started branching out of my little, sheltered world, "the list" really helped me.  Before you start to roll your eyes, I didn't take this list with me on all my dates.  I didn't look over it carefully before I went out and then start interviewing each guy based on the "qualifications" on my list.  First of all, I didn't get asked out much on single dates; in fact, I was asked out ONCE during my freshman year of college and in my sophomore year I didn't get asked until I met Matt.  I did go on several group dates, but these were usually arranged by girls.  The guys we asked for our friends were always so good to play along. 

While it may seem shallow or even unfair to compare men to a list like this, I realize it was a really good thing.  If I expected the man I married to have all of these qualities, then I needed to work on them as well.  I always had it in mind.  I remember when I was dating Matt that I looked over the list and pleased to see that he seemed to fit all of my criteria.  I remember a blow when I did ask him about one or two on the list, and he told me that he wasn't so good in that area.  Of course, I didn't tell him about my list, that would be harsh.

When Matt proposed to me, I was working as a server at JB's.  The night managers quickly became surrogate fathers and good friends to us who worked there.  One of these great men wisely advised me to ask Matt why he loves me and then to come back and report.  The answer to this question, my manager told me, would be very telling about the kind of man Matt was.

I was nervous walking home from school with Matt that day because I knew I had to ask him this question.  I remember Matt being a little taken aback by this question, but he had a good, genuine answer for me.  What that answer was, exactly, I can't remember (so shoot me); but I do remember it had something to do with the fact that I loved him. 

Sooooo. . . back to the list. My Matt wasn't everything on that list, but I loved him very much. I realized that the man I would marry would not be perfect, but he would have the potential to be perfect one day just as I hoped I would be able to be.  The day I threw my list away, I knew that marriage was about working together towards exaltation.  Marriage is about teamwork.  And, well, eleven years later, I personally believe I picked a great team. 

Happy Anniversary, Matt!  I love you.