I look over at my piano, and my heart swells. Currently, I have a couple of gifts for Cole's birth mother sitting there. I have a picture of the two of them on a shelf in the corner of the room.
Mixed emotions encompass my thoughts. I want to cry, but I can't explain all the emotions I feel. My heart is just FULL. Mostly, I feel love. Love for Cole's other mother.
We get to see her again this Saturday-- she's coming to the 5K that Jackson's school does every year for a fundraiser. The last time she came for a visit, it was great: casual, comfortable. Each time we visit, I come away feeling so grateful for an open adoption, and so blessed to know her. Our relationship is growing because we're both working on it, and I can feel it strengthen each time. We are very different, but we share something only we can.
We are Cole's mothers. We will always share that. I have a picture of the three of us: Cole, me, and her. I love that picture.
Starting this year, I will share Mother's Day with her, but it will be Mothers' Day (notice the change in the apostrophe's placement) for Cole.
Some would ask, "Why don't you just celebrate Birth Mother's Day for her (traditionally the day before Mother's Day)?" My response, "She's not just a birth mother, but a mother. She always will be." If I diminish her role at all, what kind of mother does that make me to Cole? Am I jealous or threatened by her? No. We share a name, a title -- "Mother," that I believe we both have earned, and hopefully we will continue to be worthy of throughout life and beyond. One day Cole will decide how he feels about it all, but he needs to feel that it's okay to feel one way or the other. At least he will know I will always respect her and honor her for being a mother - his mother.
Mixed emotions encompass my thoughts. I want to cry, but I can't explain all the emotions I feel. My heart is just FULL. Mostly, I feel love. Love for Cole's other mother.
We get to see her again this Saturday-- she's coming to the 5K that Jackson's school does every year for a fundraiser. The last time she came for a visit, it was great: casual, comfortable. Each time we visit, I come away feeling so grateful for an open adoption, and so blessed to know her. Our relationship is growing because we're both working on it, and I can feel it strengthen each time. We are very different, but we share something only we can.
We are Cole's mothers. We will always share that. I have a picture of the three of us: Cole, me, and her. I love that picture.
Starting this year, I will share Mother's Day with her, but it will be Mothers' Day (notice the change in the apostrophe's placement) for Cole.
Some would ask, "Why don't you just celebrate Birth Mother's Day for her (traditionally the day before Mother's Day)?" My response, "She's not just a birth mother, but a mother. She always will be." If I diminish her role at all, what kind of mother does that make me to Cole? Am I jealous or threatened by her? No. We share a name, a title -- "Mother," that I believe we both have earned, and hopefully we will continue to be worthy of throughout life and beyond. One day Cole will decide how he feels about it all, but he needs to feel that it's okay to feel one way or the other. At least he will know I will always respect her and honor her for being a mother - his mother.
About a month ago, I read a blog post from another adoptive mother and adoptee, Rebecca Hawkes. I've been reading her blog for several months now, and I appreciate her perspective on adoption. In this post, she describes a pivotal moment in her relationship with her adopted daughter. I think her story explains well what having an open adoption and open respect for a child's other mother can mean to a child (especially the second-to-last paragraph). Here's the post: "Open Adoption Roundtable 36: Agreements."
When I share my thoughts on this with others, I sometimes sense
trepidation and worry about this thinking. I see their demeanor
change. I do not undermine my role at all by stating this, besides, I don't even worry about that at all. I am Cole's
mother. She is Cole's mother. A child can have more than one. It can
work.
I'm honored to share this weekend with her.
Happy Mothers' Day!
Sniff sniff! You are a better woman than I am. I would hope I could do what you are doing. Thank you for sharing this. Thanks for being such a great woman! Sniff sniff....
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