Precious Memories of Our Ggma

Today I'll have my phone close by me as I wait for the text or phone call.  I knew this day was coming and in many respects, prayed for it, for her, but it is not easy.  Off and on I shed tears, and I reach for comfort food still now and then (yeah, almonds for now).   My heart fills with love and I feel the spirit close by.

My grandmother is in her last few hours on this earth.  My amazing, determined, strong-willed, pioneering grandmother is the last of her immediate family to depart.  She was preceded in death by her parents, step-mother, and siblings and a great-granddaughter.  Ggma, as we've come to affectionately call her, has lived a long (96 years!) fulfilling life.  Many of her years were spent with my parents.  She moved to Panaca when I was in first grade -- I remember the day my mom picked her up from the airport.  I spent the day at a friend's house -- the Banks'.  She moved into the Senior Center and then a couple of years later, moved into her own house around the corner from my home.

I spent some part of every day there -- eating an ice cream treat, playing in her orchard or covered patio, making up plays, looking at her antiques, eating "pink things,"  (that's for you, Franklin), playing the Intelevision, or dusting for her.  Sunday dinner was at her house around her wooden table with benches.  My favorite meal of hers was Sweet and Sour Pork -- Yum!  We always tried to snitch the pork before dinner time.  We played Tripoly, Yahtzee, and poker at that house.  We "oiled" her house several times (which cured me from ever wanting a log cabin), picked apples, weeded the yard many summers, and played childhood games.

In 1995, my family built an addition to our home -- a mother-in-law's apartment, basically -- so Grandma could move in.  We lost a side yard to play "Red-Light Green Light," but by then, most of us were beyond that (sorry, Ken); but we gained a Grandma.  She was known for her candy jar, "her Mets," and stories of her childhood in Connecticut and New York.  It was nice to just go sit with her every once in a while and just be there with her.

She attended every play and sporting event that she could.  When she couldn't, she'd listen to the games on the radio.  Her last wish was to see her great-grandson, Chandler, play ball one more time.


When I was pregnant with Clarissa, she had a dream that I was holding a little girl in white.  Clarissa passed away, but when Emily was born, Grandma's dream came to me and reminded me that she had seen us together.  I took Emily so Ggma could see her a couple of weeks ago.  I'm glad I did.

(This was taken in December just after Emmy was born)

Cole is actually named after her and her younger brother Edward and mine (aka Uncle "Ned" and my brother is Kenneth Edward).  Her middle name is Colegrove, and her nickname growing up became "Coley."  She is known to her nieces and nephews as Aunt Coley, and our little Cole Edward is called "Coley" in honor of her.

(Cole and Ggma 2011)

Several years ago, one of my brothers had a dream that he saw Grandma holding a little girl's hand as they were both dressed in white.  Today as I think of my Grandma's last few hours, I imagine my sweet girl by her Ggma's bedside comforting her.  I see her brothers and sister waiting for her.  My grandma was always close to her siblings.  I know her parents and stepmother are there as well.  There will be a sweet reunion.

My grandmother was a pioneer.  She raised her four children as a single mother.  She joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints not long after her husband left her.  I thank my Heavenly Father that her brother, Jim, sent those missionaries to her home.  My father kept this faith and passed it on to his children.  Because of my Grandmother, I have the gospel of Jesus Christ, and it is that knowledge and my testimony that carries me through trials and brings me peace.

I'm grateful that she is my namesake.  I carry her name, Mary, as my middle name.  I will always have a piece of my grandmother with me.   Jackson was terribly saddened by the news, and he and I have cried off and on all day.  I know her reunion will be sweet and she will finally have rest from her aged body, but I will miss her as will my children who adore her.

Today I will cry on and reach for chocolate.

I love you, Grandma.

(Ggma, Jackson, and LeMira,  2010)