From His Perspective

You know those kids in school that were just "different" from you? You know, the ones that ate paste, would jump from the top of the monkey bars, get on the merry-go-round for the entire recess and never get dizzy, or were always in trouble for touching (or wrestling) the other kids? How about the kids that were really quiet, seemed to be "space cadets," were the "slow-pokes," were crying all of the time, or just seemed "slower" all of the time? I'll bet each one of you readers can think of at least one kid with whom you attended school that fits the description(s) above. Maybe you were one of them.

I have one of them.

Did you ever stop to think that these kids weren't "dumb," but that there might actually be something else going on -- that maybe there was something inhibiting the learning and social behaviors?

Remember when we went to Disneyland, and I told you all about our marvelous first day experience? Well, by the second and third days when we'd had several chances to wait in some longer lines, I started noticing some behavior that really had me worried that my son had some sort of attention deficit disorder, was slightly autistic, or was just a BAD kid, and that I was a BAD parent. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you this. It seemed that my disciplining skills were not working. I talked to Matt's aunt about it because she certified in Special Education. She referred me to a book that changed my whole perspective.

Since reading that book, I've changed my attitude towards my child and his behaviors, and I have changed my behavior towards him (or at least I'm trying). I have been introduced to SPD: Sensory Processing Disorder. I thought, Well, duh! I knew my child had "sensory" issues from being a preemie, but then I realized that it isn't just preemies that have this disorder. Studies show that 1 in 20 kids has SPD.

Having SPD can mean that a child is hyper-sensitive (like Jackson who can't stand loud noises, bright lights, or being held down, i.e. wrestling) or that a child is stimulus-seeking (like the child that always wants to wrestle, eat the sand, bite the other kids, etc.). It DOESN'T mean that a child is not intelligent.

Another question: Have you thought about the mothers of those children? I'm sure you have. Have you thought to yourself, "Why doesn't she discipline more harshly?" or "I'll bet if she just tried this . . . the behavior would go away." "I'm sure she's just not doing enough." Well, I'll tell you that those moms are trying their darndest to help their children be functional, and they tell themselves those things constantly.

Luckily for me, just when I discovered the actual term for Jackson's sensory issues, so did my best friend Natalie. Her son was diagnosed with the same disorder, but on the opposite end of the SPD spectrum and in greater need of help than Jackson. Although thousands of miles apart, we've been able to help each other through this. She has become more educated on this subject than I am, and she has started a blog about it.

http://www.mysensorychild.blogspot.com/

She has set this blog up for a support for families, and I know she would love to hear your story as well.

Also, I have a dear friend who has 5 children -- three of which have autism. She's pretty much my hero when it comes to motherhood. She is completely hilarious and down-to-earth. You need to read her website as well -- especially if you know any autistic children or mothers of autistic children, or if you just want some funny stories -- she's got them! As mothers, we need as much support as possible, and sometimes that comes through reading/listening to other mother's stories.

Thank you to all of you mothers for being honest about motherhood and yet loving it at the same time. That's how we get through this. . .one day at a time.