19, not 20. . .

What makes you dread going to the dentist?

When I was looking for a dentist for Jackson a while ago, I knew I wanted a pediatric dentist. I had recommendations from several friends for a good dentist in the area. When I went to check out the office and make an appointment, the lobby greeted me with barn decor, a cow on the wall that talks, a Thomas the Train table, a movie on the wall, a train that goes around the top of the wall, a bin of books, and two video game consoles that the kids could play. It was a cheery place that had a lot for kids to do. Very non-threatening, wouldn't you think?

For a kid who has a fear of doctors, however, he briefly notices the "distractions." He's more concerned about what is happening around the corner. When the hygienist calls his name, he scrambles to mom and clings to her leg. He hears the crying in the background above the hygienist's cheerful voice. In the exam room, he barely acknowledges the TV on the ceiling playing a movie. In fact, his first question is, "What is that?" pointing to the light that the dentist uses.

I must say that the first time we went for x-rays, cleaning, etc., our hygienist was not very good with Jackson. At all. For a kid who has an aversion to new things in his mouth due to having a breathing tube and feeding tube for so long, it doesn't matter what you call the items that you are putting in his mouth -- "pretend marshmallows," "pillows," "fruit snack medicine" --you're going to be fought with.

Anyway, I was really nervous this time because of how badly the initial visit went. We didn't even clean his teeth; the x-rays put him over the edge. Well, this time, he had a horribly infected tooth, and it needed to come out. He was so nervous, so rigid, so scared, and cried; but he was so brave. The hygienist this time was SO GOOD! Afterward, he cried about his tooth being gone, and swore he couldn't eat anything because he had a hole in his mouth; but I was so proud of him. He tried so hard to be brave. He now constantly informs me that he has 19, not 20 teeth anymore, and soon he will only have 18 then 17(he has a loose tooth). He seems determined that he will only have 16 teeth left very soon.

Now, one thing I will tell you that I've learned in two visits. Don't expect a dentist to be like a doctor. As much as I think this dentist is good, I always get the sense that he wants to do his job and then move on. I'm sure that's so he's not scaring the kids, but as a parent, I hate it. I'm used to asking the nurses questions but saving the more important ones for the "big guy." My doctors sit down with me and talk about what is happening and what will happen. I kept expecting this with the dentist. Instead, I've learned that I should just ask the hygienist because she knows as much, and (I feel like) she cares more.

I know a dentist is busy, but so is Jackson's ophthalmologist. He's so busy, and we see him for such a short time as well, but he always looks me straight in the eye, shakes my hand, and greets me by name, Mrs. ________. (Of course, we've known each other for 5 1/2 years.) He always asks, "Do you have any questions?" I feel like I can trust his judgment because he cares. I feel like my kid is important to him, even if it's for the 5 minutes that we see him. Those four things: looking me in the eye, shaking my hand, greeting me, and asking if I have any concerns, are all I need to feel comfortable and secure with a doctor or dentist. Personally, if the parents are comfortable, then they will be supportive and more helpful with their uncomfortable children.