Adoption does not affect one, two, or three people. It affects families - immediate and extended - and generations. Adoption shapes the future of families.
Recently a dear friend of mine sent me an email in response to these adoption posts, and she told me about her cousins who have been faced with adoption choices. I could tell that she was affected by their decisions and the consequences (good and bad). In response to a specific situation, she told me, "My heart breaks for my aunt right now, as she watches them go through this struggle--the choices we make affect so many more than just us."
In the beginning of our adoption journey, I was told a story that floored me. A girl found out she was pregnant unexpectedly. She wanted to tell her mom, but was scared to death and prayed fervently that she would have the courage to tell her mom and that her mom would be understanding. When she finally confided in her mom, her mother's reaction shocked her. She simply asked, "Well, what do you think you're going to do?" AMAZING! What a wonderful mother!
While I still hold to my belief that children deserve and have the right to a family with a mother and a father (see this link for more information), I firmly believe that all expectant parents have the right to choose their own path and what is best for their child. This decision is not for grandmas, adoption agencies and caseworkers, or best friends even though the decision affects all of them.
Recently, I started reading a new blog, What About MY Baby?, about a recent adoption experience, but from the birth mother's mom's point of view. I love it. It captures the true love and the pain a mom experiences while watching her daughter suffer and saying good-bye to her granddaughter. I admire those families that take the unexpected "tragedies" in their lives and bond and adhere to each other more than they were before.
Another fantastic blog to read about how a mother supports her daughter throughout an unplanned pregnancy and her choice of adoption is Kelsey Stewart's blog, A Birth Mother Voice, specifically her post here. Since reading these blogs, I've begun praying for the families of the birth parents of our future child. I wish that we will each gain a family during the process. I know that I won't be able to take away the pain and loss, but I hope that we can have a relationship that feels like extended family, not just the family the adopted their baby.
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