Follow-Up

The response I got to the last blog post is one reason why I blog.  I firmly believe that the only way to understand each other is to respectfully share differing points of view and then listen.   Just from the comments I received, my eyes were opened yet again, and my understanding broadened.  Let me share with you a comment from a birth father that did just that (I added the italics):

I've known many successful single parents, both men and women. I agree it is better for a child to have both parents involved directly and continuously in their lives than not. However I'd question whether that influence alone can justify an adoption decision. I'd posit the "you-can-never-go-back", oft life shattering and always world changing pain of adoption out weighs a missing parent in the context of a loving, connected, and supportive extended family. I'd suggest a different lens for how a loving God could justify allowing situations like this to occur:
that no life should ever bear the guilt and resent of another.

When push comes to shove that is why I chose adoption. I could not bear to resent my son. I had to find a way that I could love him unconditionally. I couldn't let him grow up in a home where his dad resented his life, where he knew his parents wished he'd not be born. Adoption let me and Athena completely celebrate his birth and his life. There is pain, but there is no resent nor any anger. Neither at him nor ourselves. Adoption was the only way that could happen.

I will openly admit that I'm naive and can be narrow-minded, but not because I don't want to broaden my vision - just that my experiences are limited in some areas.  I have before posted my fundamental beliefs on the family,  and those will not change.  However, "I am" once again reminded me the true depth of adoption and the deeper purposes, especially from the birth parents angle.  His comment reminded me of the friends who I have who are trying to adopt that are "non-traditional" families.  Although our convictions and religious beliefs may be different, our desires to have children and raise a family are not.   I didn't mean to offend them in any way. 


In the last post I mentioned how our birth parent letter felt "fluffy" and "plastic."   I believe the letters are important to write for expectant parents to get to know you, but it seems like writing an advertisement or a resume soliciting for a baby -- kind of hard to get past that.  Anyway. . .

Well, thanks to my fabulous friend who gave me good feedback, I have revised it.  When our caseworker gets my email and hits the "publish" button, it will appear on our adoption profile.  I did post it on our adoption blog, though, too.  You can read it at this link.  I now feel very comfortable with it, and I feel like it reflects us -- who we are.  The fluff and plastic are gone.

Again, thank you all for being open and honest. . .that's who I am and what I need.