The Order of Things

Do you ever feel like your prayer list is a mile long?  I know I get discouraged thinking that my Heavenly Father is not answering my prayers, but maybe that's because I am praying about so many things that I don't recognize the answers that are providing a little relief at a time.  Sometimes I get so focused on the giant things, that I don't see the small ones.

Those who read this blog and my other one know that I've been trying to find the best ways to help Jackson.  You also know that we are trying to adopt.  Those are some pretty big things in my life that for a while that have really competed with each other.  It was about eight months ago that I decided it was time to spend more time focusing on my son.  I began doing some research, getting appointments with different professionals, and communicating with his teachers.  Step by step, one small answer at a time, the Lord has directed me and my husband to know how to be better parents and how to give Jackson what he needs.

I sit here today, my heart full of gratitude to the Lord for His guiding hand.  All of the small things are adding up to be one big thing. The most amazing thing is looking how far back these small things go.  Remember two years ago when I said that I was homesick?  Sure, I still have moments that this house feels like it belongs to someone else (you know, the creamsicle room downstairs?), but overall, this is my home.  When we found this house, we knew we were supposed to be here, but I didn't know why.  I kept mulling over reasons why my family must need to be here.  Today I can tell you that if we had not moved to this house in this town, I never would have even thought of sending Jackson to the school where he is now with the teachers and professionals who are there.  He has made so much progress, and the teachers there all adore him.  (It's awesome to have such a cute, hilarious child!) This is an example of just ONE small thing in my life that is actually a big thing.

Now, I think about adoption.  I've been praying since Jackson was born to know how to be the parent he needs me to be, and for over four years, we've been praying about adoption.  Our prayers have adapted and changed, but nonetheless, there sits the other huge item in my path.  What if the Lord had tried to answer both of my prayers at the same time?  Those blessings would have become burdens as I struggled to balance a new baby and doctors' appointments.  Yes, I could have done it, but would I have heard the answers or seen them as blessings in my life?  Perhaps not.

Today I can honestly say that I am grateful that the Lord has portioned my blessings and reserved some.  Jackson is happy, thriving, succeeding, and I feel I can breathe again.  I see the Lord's hand in my family's life, and I am ever-grateful.   I have stepped back into the adoption world, and I can feel growth again.  While the latest adoption answer is "Be still, and know that I am God," I know because He has blessed me through my past trials, there are blessings coming.  When?  I don't know, but I know they will be in His time, and the timing will be perfect because it is in His Time.

"There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of the world, upon which all blessings are predicated --
And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated."  (Doctrine and Covenants 130:20-21)

For now, I will obey and "Be Still."



Now if I can figure out how to do that. . .