Over the last year and a half a few holidays have become more meaningful to me. Of those, Mother's Day and Memorial Day are two of my favorite. On these days, I get to really set aside some special time to think about my little girl, Clarissa. As a family, we drive up to the Provo Cemetery and lay flowers on Sissy's grave. On Mother's Day this year, Matt and I had some time to really talk while we sat in the grass. I could really feel a sweet spirit while we visited and remembered our little girl. Yesterday we drove up to the cemetery to avoid the large crowds that would be there today. The cemetery is really quite beautiful with a sea of flowers decorating it, and you can literally hear the spirits rejoicing that people remember them on this special day.
It has been over a year and a half since we had to say "good-bye" to Clarissa, and I've finally accepted her death and my inability to carry more children. There are still days that I ache for my baby, but the pain is not near as excruciating as it once was. I can smile when I talk about her and even laugh about certain things that happened (you know, things people said without realizing it or the aroma of the 15+ vases of flowers we had in our apartment). I've even made friends with people who have had a similar experience, and we've been able to talk and completely understand what the other is saying. Time does indeed heal pain, but only if you let it. So, on this special day, I just want to say, "I love you, Sissy!"
I'm glad that you guys have this as a tradition. I think it'll always be a really nice thing for your family.
ReplyDeleteHow sweet your family is. You deserve your own Wheelwright holiday for all you've been through! Hold onto your wonderful perspective and know we love you!
ReplyDeleteThat was a beautiful post and she has such a beautiful gravestone.
ReplyDeleteLeMira, I loved this post. I've been thinking a lot lately about life and how things don't necessarily turn out how we planned, but we deal with it and keep working through our struggles... not giving up. (I know, easier said than done.) You're a great example to me.
ReplyDeleteLeMira I loved reading your post! I won't lie, I totally cried!! Not just bc it was beautiful post remembering a loved one, but bc you are so strong and I can't wait to see who the Lord chooses to bring into your family next.
ReplyDeleteLeMira,
ReplyDeleteI'm really thankful for the phone call after I had my miscarriage. I really understand what you mean now about not wanting to accept the doctor telling you it's better not to have more kids. What a great example you are! I love how you remember her always! Going to the temple helped me realize that Joshua was in a better place.