There's More To It

"Adoption: It's about Love"
That is the motto for LDS Family Services. I truly believe that they couldn't have picked a better title. After all, what greater love is there than a parent unselfishly giving up a child? It's an ageless test of love: parents who send their sons and daughters on missions, parents who bury their children, Abraham and Isaac, the Father and the Son. There are countless examples of this test, and I firmly believe that it is one of the hardest tests we will ever be faced with.

Lately, however, I've felt that there's more than just love in the adoption process. Hope is a big one, along with fear. They are opposites, and thus ever-present. Worry, dread, anticipation, depression, excitement, and certainty are all emotions that cycle through and swirl around during this time. (Now, I am speaking from a hopeful adoptive parent point of view, but I don't doubt much that a birth mother or father could experience all of these emotions as well.)

Foremost of everything I am experiencing are prayer and agency. I've spent so much time thinking and praying about adoption, birth mothers, birth fathers, and preparation. I want to be prepared, sympathetic, compassionate, and confident in this process. I have no doubts in my mind that this is the road to be travelling for us right now, but it's definitely not without it's ups and downs.

Over the summer, we had a few leads that cropped up. You probably remember the preemie baby situation, and know that we had to turn that one down. Also, other friends had a good lead for us, but that one just didn't work out. We have one more lead that we are praying desperately for. This time is more personal to us than ever as we have very specific names and faces that we can pray over. (Their privacy is very confidential and of highest priority to us, that's why we haven't told you who or where they are or who our lead is.) Mostly, we know that the birth parents have their agency. Sometimes it's very hard to pray for them to be directed to us while at the same time acknowleding their agency and praying that we will accept their decisions and be prepared for them. Agency. Agency. Agency. A gift that is essential in a successful adoption and that I feel goes hand in hand with love.

Now, if I can survive this emotional roller coaster, then I will be the better for it.