Day 5 is always hard

Day 5 -- Hal Elrod was right when he said that the first 10 days of creating a habit are unbearable.  I'm not going to lie, today I was sure I wasn't going to get up, especially because Emily woke at 3:30 a.m., ate, struggled to go back to sleep, and so my sleep was light and sporadic for the next hour and a half.  What got me out of bed?  Honestly, I think it was the thought of what would happen if I DIDN'T get out of bed.  If I didn't get out of bed, I probably wouldn't get out of bed the next day and I'd make excuses.  My "animal brain" (the limbic system) -- I talk a lot about this with my health clients -- was urging me to roll over in bed and get some sleep, that I could exercise later and even  that it was okay to take a day off.  Then, I remembered that I'd been getting up every day this week, reading my scriptures, saying my prayers, and exercising and feeling good because I exercised; and that even though it was hard, the benefits were going to pay off.  When I started changing my life and began the health program a year and a half ago, I remember Day 5 being EXTREMELY hard.  In fact, I remember calling my health coach, Whitney, and telling her if it didn't get better, I couldn't sustain that change.  Luckily, I did stick with it.

I have been "failing" most of my life.  Let me explain that.  I don't mean that I feel like my life is failing or stinks or that I'm doomed to failure.  What I mean is that I've not been a "finisher."  My dear husband and I had this talk last year when I was having another eye-opening experience.  He was so good to be honest with me and help me see a weakness staring me in the face, one I could easily fix, but one I never saw.  Basically, I get to the end of something and quit. This trait was manifested in simple things like not getting laundry done, getting side-tracked all day long while working on projects.  I give up; I have a hard time staying focused.  I'm REALLY good at that.  Perhaps I like to avoid the pain of it.

I'm tired of being a failure.  In Scroll #1 by Og Mandino, when reading it,  the reader will notice that she promises to read it every day, three times a day.  I'm not doing that well at that -- I'm good at two times so far.  Anyway, on the third reading, I'm supposed to read it out loud.  A couple of days ago, as I was reading out loud, I actually hit a nerve when reading it and started to cry because it struck me to the core when I read these words, 

"Failure will no longer by my payment for my struggle. Just as nature made no provision for my body to tole rate pain neither has it made any provision for my life to suffer failure. Failure, like pain, is alien to my life."

Today I'm glad I got up, even if it means I'm going to be more tired.  Today I'm glad I didn't fail. 

Today I begin a new life.