I Can't Hear You Over the Shouting

Does anyone else notice that there seems to be a lot of shouting going on?

Over the last several weeks and months, there have been some major debates on hot issues in the news and social media.  This past week, it turned to a "shouting" match with hashtags.  Shouting has never done anyone good. 

What's the point of shouting anyway?  Isn't it all about being heard because you want to get your point across?  Think about the last time you heard or participated in an argument that involved two people or groups shouting at each other.  I'm sure it didn't start out as a shouting match.  Most don't.  We start with our points of view and when someone gets more defensive, or pointed in the argument, and we feel like we're not heard, we start raising our voice and volume. 

Do you know what the great flaw with shouting is?  It's all about being so loud that you drown out the other person.  Once you start shouting at someone, they can't hear what you're saying anymore, they only hear the shouting.  There is no listening, no give-and-take, no two-sided conversations, no empathy, no open-mindedness.  There is hurt, force, offense, anger, defensiveness, close-mindedness, judgment.  There is no listening, no charity.  Love is taken out of the conversation.

Okay, you say, but they started it. 

So what?  Did you listen?  Did you try to see from their point of view? 

Notice I didn't say, "Did you change your mind and agree with them and say that they're right?" 

Were you trying to be understanding, maybe listen to their story? Did you maybe hear them?

Lest you misunderstand, I'm not saying you shouldn't take a stand, I'm saying before you start shouting your position to someone, stop.  Just stop.  Listen, learn, feel, and love.  Maybe, just maybe you'll start to have a new perspective and understand why; maybe you'll learn more about the people who are making choices differently than you.  Maybe you'll stop being the judge of someone's choices.  (The last I heard, there was One who had that role, and it isn't you or I.) 

Yes, take a stand on an issue.  Yes, be passionate about it, but above all, be kind. (Take a page out of Cinderella's book.) You might even renew or deepen relationships with someone with whom you don't agree with if you stop to listen and shut off the shout. It happens.  I have many friends with whom I disagree about some issues including lifestyles and life choices, but our relationship is more than that issue.  It's about connection.

As Matt told me last night, we need a lot less shouting in this world and a lot more love, a lot more tenderness, a lot more understanding -- a lot less shouting.